A foreman was assigned three new workers, two big strong local men, and a little guy from Japan.
Because of their size, the foreman gave the two locals the digging work, and told the Japanese man "You'll be in charge of supplies."
After an hour or so, the foreman came back to check on their progress only to find the two locals sitting down doing nothing.
"What happened? Why aren't you at work?"
The men replied that their tools were broken and that the Japanese man in charge of supplies, had disappeared.
Worried, the foreman ordered the two men outside the mine to help look for the little guy.
Just when they were about to give up the search, the Japanese guy jumps up from behind a rock and yells "Supplies!!"
A redneck decides he is going to buy a chainsaw to cut down some trees in his backyard.
He goes to a local store and asks about the various saws. The dealer tells him,I have a lot of models of chainsaws, but why dont you save yourself a lot of time and aggravation and get the top-of-the-line model? This chainsaw will cut a hundred cords of wood for you in one day.
So, the man takes the chainsaw home and begins working on the trees. After cutting for several hours and only cutting two cords, he decides to quit, thinking there is something wrong with the chainsaw. How can I cut for hours and only cut two cords? the man asks himself.
The next day, the man gets up at 4:00 a.m. and cuts and cuts, and cuts till nightfall, and still he only manages to cut five cords. Since the dealer told him he could cut a hundred cords of wood a day, the man is convinced he bought a defective saw.
So, the next day, the redneck heads back into town and goes to the chainsaw store. He tells the dealer whats happened.
The dealer, baffled by the mans problem, removes the chainsaw from the case. He inspects it carefully, turning it back and forth and looking at it closely. He checks the tension on the chain and then makes sure the teeth on the chain are sharp. Hmm, it looks okay, he tells the redneck.
Then the dealer starts the chainsaw. The redneck is obviously startled. His eyes get very wide, and he shouts over the sound of the saw, What the hell is that noise?
I was driving down queens road yesterday, when my mate flagged me down...he had this monkey under his arm, i said what you doing with the monkey? ...he replied " i dont know what to do with it?" Take it to the zoo stupid i said..good idea .was his answer..so anyway the next day im driving down queens road again and there he is with the monkey again... i thought you were taking it to the zoo ? i shouted...he said i did..im taking it to the pictures today !!!